I’m thoroughly bothered by a few things, and I can’t seem to shake that. The fact that my dad is gone…so quickly…it’s just troubling. It’s almost like I don’t want to get close to anybody, because that day it could be me gone in the snap of one’s fingers. But that’s not all.
He won’t be able to see me graduate from college…if I make it at this point. He always stressed the importance of education and getting that
degree “piece of paper that these MFers require for you to make a living” back when I was chasing my basketball dreams. My hindsight is locked in with the 20/20, so y’all gotta pardon me. I should’ve taken more classes when I was in the Army, & I wouldn’t have had such a far road to travel once getting out of the military.
Two, he won’t see my first child born. Something that I kept under wraps for a while: my ex girl was pregnant two years ago, & I didn’t tell my dad until she was like 3 months pregnant. He didn’t even trip though…but I could tell that he was excited. He started buying up baby stuff at his job & the whole nine. Roughly a little bit over a month later, me & her had to get an abortion…because she had gotten sick to the point where it wasn’t looking like she would even make it to see month 9, much less the actual birth of the child. I was hurt by it, for some reasons I won’t go into right now, but I never even talked to him about it once I told him. My friend Tiffany told me that whenever she would see him, they would talk for a few…and she asked me if I wanted children (she didn’t/doesn’t know about the pregnancy), then told me that my dad talked about wanting to be a grandfather with her often.
I’m not so much blaming myself for that one, but I just feel like that these weren’t just things I wanted him to be here for, but these are things that he DESERVED to witness. And……..well, now he can’t & I don’t really know how to deal with all that.